The bachelor episode 4

Ok we are on to week 4 and things are heating up for Colton and some of the women I can wait to see who he picks to spend the rest of his life with at the end of all this you can read week 3 recap here https://simplydiamondgirl.wixsite.com/simplydiamondgirl/post/the-bachelor-episode-3

Looks like they’re headed to Singapore! Is this the earliest they’ve gone abroad in recent seasons? I think they often leave the mansion about now, but they usually do a tour of the US before heading abroad with far fewer women. Does this mean they’ll be across the ocean all the way until hometowns?

Let’s Fall in Love”

Tayshia gets the first one-on-one date of the week and the two are off to bungee jump off a tower on the Singapore beach. I appreciate that these two showed a reasonable amount of fear mixed with excitement. Plus they didn’t let their uncertainty freeze them or cause any big meltdowns.

Colton takes the first jump and Tayshia offers some very profound advice: “Don’t die”.

I was a bit confused why Tayshia jumped off feet first. Not that I’ve ever bungee jumped, but I thought that with bungee jumping you dove off head first because it made for a much smoother ride down. When Tayshia jumped, she had to first fall, then she had to be whipped upside down when she reached the end of her rope. Definitely not the way I would have wanted to experience it.

Post adrenalin-filled jump, the two relax on the beach and spend some time making out on in the ocean.

I feel a natural ease with these two, which is supported by what they each say. Colton says Tayshia is calming and confident. Tayshia says Colton makes her feel open, vulnerable, comfortable, and secure.

While I do think there is plenty of respect and attraction here (and plenty of kissing throughout the day), I’m not sure I see Taysia in the long picture. Something is just missing for me.

During their evening date, we learn that Tayshia was recently divorced and that Colton’s parent’s were also divorced. I appreciate that Colton says it’s not his place to judge other people’s happiness and doesn’t seem phased that he’s dating a divorcee. If Tayshia sticks around for a 2nd one-on-one, though, I’d want to know much more about that relationship. and she gets a rose

Let’s Get a Taste of Singapore”

On the group date are Hannah G, Elyse, Kirpa, Sydney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, Hannah B.

Which means Caelynn is going to get the last one-on-one date of the season. Right away the awkwardness starts as Demi pointedly says “I don’t know you Caelynn, but I’m frustrated to see you get more time when you’ve already gotten lots of extra time based on the situation [between you and Hannah B].” Plenty of people may have been thinking the same thing, but in true Demi fashion, she says it out loud. Caelynn is clearly thrown off by the statement, but extracts herself from any conflict by quickly saying “Okay, that’s your opinion”. Way to go Caelynn–keep it non-confrontational and classy!

For the group date, the women head out to explore the Singapore street markets. Typically “explore the cit”y kind of dates are reserved for one-on-one dates because that is a lot of people to manage on a free-flowing group date.

I picked up on one comment Colton said early on: “I don’t do well with in the face personalities, because I don’t know how to deal with it”. Cut to Demi showing off her very in your face personality.

Over the course of the day the women partake in Leech Therapy (no thank you!) and get their fortunes read (Cassie and Colton were told they were siblings in a former life!). Then they sit down to try some typical Singapore street food. Kudos to the women for trying pigs feet and fish eyes and toads.

In the evening portion of the date Hannah B. and Colton seem to move past the weirdness between her and Caelynn. While this whole debacle shouldn’t have even been a thing in the first place, they seem to have all come to their senses and agreed that there is no easy answer and they all need to focus on individual relationships. I didn’t think Hannah B would be around much longer, but the chemistry with Colton seems to still be there.

I LOVED Colton’s interactions with Cassie–one of my favorites that I’m still waiting to learn more about! They have a relaxed, goofy chemistry where they laugh and tease each other a lot. But they also have crazy physical chemistry and, as evidenced by the amount of Cassie’s lipstick that Colton was wearing, they must have spent a lot of time kissing, too. I grabbed on to how Colton described Cassie: “She makes me comfortable. I feel like I’ve known Cassie much longer than I actually have”. Ding Ding Ding! This is EXACTLY how my wife and I felt about each other shortly after meeting. This descriptor says so much about how he’s feeling. Also, did you notice the body language? He spent so much time leaning into Cassie–he’s into her!

Courtney is clearly self-destructing in the group date environment of the show and is struggling with the need to be the pursuer. Colton doesn’t find her and she doesn’t make an effort to find him, despite urging from just about everyone present to go for it. When Demi goes to talk to Colton a 2nd time, Courtney looses it and confronts Demi.

Now, I know that there is an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t take away time from another girl (a rule that is always broken and always causes confrontation), but Courtney’s holier-than-thou reaction towards Demi was completely overkill. In this moment, I felt Courtney’s day’s were numbered.

Demi get’s the group date rose after confiding in Colton that her mom was getting released from prison this week and she wasn’t there. I appreciate her desire to talk to him about something that was clearly on her mind, but the conversation felt out of place. I don’t think that the two of them are in a place in their relationship to have such a deep conversation and I’m betting that the producers encouraged her to tell him.

Caelynn’s one on one

Colton takes Caelynn shopping and buys her just about everything she tries on. He is clearly very into her. He says “When I’m around her, I have this energy and excitement that I can’t contain”. We’ve seen this great connection for weeks and it’s nice for them to finally have some time to flesh out their relationship.

Caelynn goes back to the house before their dinner date (obviously done to bring out the jealous reactions in the other girls). In Arie’s season, the shopping date was date number two, before there was a ton of time for real jealousies to pop up. However, in that season, Bekah got the date and she was such a well liked person that it wasn’t really a big deal when she came back with her bags. In this season, farther along in the process, and with a girl like Caelynn who has been part of the dividing drama of the house, it doesn’t go over well.

I was struck by Cassie’s reaction to it as she is shown crying about the attention that another girl is getting for a guy that she’s really into. There were a couple of notables about this though as she sobs “But I’m so happy for Caelynn”. To me this shows that the dating process can be hard to deal with, but that friendships are very real in the house too. You can be sad for yourself and happy for your friends at the same time. And I like that they show Cassie struggling with this dynamic.

Caelynn’s Evening Date

The evening portion of the date is very heavy and I applaud the show for taking this seriously.

With strength and dignity, we hear Caelynn share her story about being drugged and sexually assaulted in college. We hear about her struggles with police and hospitals as she tries to get a rape kit processed, and how only one of the men involved is punished with expulsion (no conclusion on whether he was criminally punished, too). Angrily, this scenario is all too common on college campuses and the number of men who are actually punished is likely far far too low.

I can only imagine the inner strength it took for Caelynn to talk about this part of her life and how it affects her relationships. And I applaud her for telling her story on TV. I appreciate that she waited until an appropriate time to tell Colton and didn’t feel the need to tell her story too soon just to gain attention. If there wasn’t this real, undeniable, connection between them, I don’t think she would have told him and I love that about her so much.

This date was also when Colton really started to win me over. Throughout her story he listened. He gave Caelynn his undivided attention. He asked her a very sensitive question: “Who helped you through it?”. When she got to the end of her story, he hugged her, he didn’t try to kiss her. And then he shares that he has dated someone who was raped He acknowledges that he could feel her pain, but also that he couldn’t because he wasn’t the victim. We get a sense that Colton’s virginity is tied to that relationship and is much more complex and nuanced than he’s shared before.

In this moment we see two people be utterly vulnerable with each other. We see them sit together, taking each other in, appreciating each other. We see strength, care, comfort and emotional intimacy.

In this moment, I think Caelynn might just be the one at the end.

To top it all off, the show refrained from using any romantic music during Caelynn’s story to allow it the space to stand on its own. we didn't actually see Caelynn get the rose because in this instance, the presentation of the rose really didn’t matter.

Rose Ceremony getting roses are

Hannah G Heather Kirpa Hannah B Katie Elyse Sydney Cassie Nicole Onyeka